Happy parents make for a happy family. It’s important for parents to view themselves as a couple first and as parents second.
You might think that the person going out to work hasn’t had to change their life as dramatically, and therefore doesn’t really understand. So how do you handle these potential relationship problems?
Communication is crucial, even when you feel you don’t have the time. You may feel that you can’t complain given that you wanted this new baby, but it is important to share your feelings. Keep talking and be honest with each other. As soon as baby is settled, make time to sit down together and talk before you rush around to tidy up, cook dinner, or go out. Don’t assume your partner is a mind reader: you must tell him or her how you are feeling.
Having a baby is a natural point for a relationship review. Plan a night together and talk through new ground rules that work for you both. For instance, it doesn’t mean the person at home with the baby is solely responsible for all shopping and cooking, unless that’s what’s agreed.
Share the load to prevent resentment or misunderstanding from seeping in. Don’t get into set patterns : just because your baby is used to you putting him to bed, your partner should take a turn too. This helps to keep your relationship equal.
Becoming parents can bring you closer, and deepen your bond and commitment to each other. Talk about your hopes for your family life and plan exciting times including vacations, days out, and remember the ideas, ambitions, and dreams you had before baby came along.
Communication and intimacy are essential to strengthen your bond and to help you deal with any problems that occur. The real threat to a relationship isn’t a temporary lack of sex, but a lack of intimacy. Strive to preserve this at all costs. Hold hands, cuddle, and give each other compliments. Ask questions about each other’s day, and stop what you are doing to really listen.
This all helps to safeguard your emotional connection and foster intimacy. Simple, kind gestures, such as running a bath or recording a favorite program for your partner, can make him or her feel nurtured. Sex is important too, to reinforce your bond as a couple. If you are feeling too tired or have a flagging libido, it can be the last thing you want to do, but the less sex you have, the less you want, so when you feel ready, make the effort. Switch off the television and share a bath or give each other a massage. Remember that the early baby years go very quickly and relationship difficulties are usually just a phase, so be forgiving of this.
Set aside at least ten minutes every day to sit down together (no television) and catch up with each other’s news.
Make time for the two of you as a couple by finding a babysitter and going out regularly, at least once a month, and more often if you are used to having a busy social life. If you don’t have family nearby or can’t afford a babysitter, arrange a babysitting swap with a friend or neighbor. Or when your baby falls asleep, share a romantic late-night meal.
If you are tired or are on a tight budget, arrange an evening together at home with a DVD and bottle of wine. It doesn’t really matter what you do as long as you do it together and remind each other why you were attracted to each other to begin with.
