Fathers who familiarize themselves with their babies and attune to their needs, will increase their own confidence with their baby.
Bonding can be simple—a midnight feeding, a shared bath, hiding under a blanket to get a giggle. You could “wear” your baby in a baby carrier or sling, or read, sing, and listen to music together. If you really want to find a special bond you could do a new activity together, for example, baby swimming or baby sign language.
Babies use their hands to express needs and feelings—if you can understand that language, and use it too, you’ll grow closer. Researchers in Canada and Israel have found that men experience a surge in “bonding” hormones when their children are born. Even during their wives’ pregnancies, men display a shift in their levels of the stress hormone cortisol, as well as prolactin, a hormone linked to parenting behavior.
At the same time, they experience a rise in oxytocin, a brain chemical that can dilute a man’s alphamale attitude and engender a more nurturing nature. It’s an evolutionary response intended to turn “guys” into dads.
Despite all this, some fathers feel truly daunted by the financial and emotional responsibilities of parenthood. Traditionally postpartum depression is a condition associated with new mothers, but experts believe as many as one in four new dads may suffer from it.
So, if you, as a dad, find yourself experiencing mood swings, panic attacks, or tearfulness, be reassured that it is not uncommon, but it is important to speak out—to your partner, your doctor, even your boss, or a trusted friend. Dads need as much support as moms, and you need time to rest too.
Perhaps you can take some inspiration from other dads across the world. Swedish fathers are apparently Europe’s most “involved” dads, partly because they have more paternity leave than any other country. But in all Northern European countries, dads tend to get more involved since they don’t have big extended families like those in Southern European countries, such as Greece, where grandmothers, sisters, and aunts help with a lot of the child care.
Across the globe, though, there has been a dramatic increase in the level of paternal involvement over the last few decades. Between 1965 and 2000 in the US, married fathers more than doubled their time spent exclusively on child-care activities, from 2.6 hours a week to 6.5 hours. Australian fathers’ care of children has also risen, and in the UK, fathers in two-parent families today do an average of 25 percent of the child-care-related activities during the week and 30 percent on weekends.
For true inspiration, though, look to the Aka Pygmies, a nomadic people of the African Congo. The men in these communities, on average, hold, or are in close proximity to, their infants 47 percent of the time. They pick up, cuddle, and play with their babies at least five times as often as dads in other societies. They must know they’re onto a good thing, so roll up your sleeves, get bonding, and enjoy becoming a father.
