Having a baby is the most lifechanging experience you will ever go through. You need to reconcile the “old” you with the “new” you.
If you have always defined yourself by your work role, are you OK to leave that all behind, or do you find yourself telling people you meet what you do, or did, for a living? Remember that all your work skills and interests are still there—they are just being used in a different way for a while.
Having less money or losing financial independence can restrict how you spend your time and how you perceive yourself, but you might think the benefits outweigh this. Your social life changes when your baby is young: parenting classes and baby groups introduce you to lots of new people so you socialize during the day, and less in the evening. You may find it harder to maintain old friendships with people who knew you before you became a parent.
On a positive note, you might now actually have more time to spend with your partner, family, and friends, and they may see a more relaxed you emerge. Your changed body may make you feel different about yourself. It has managed to produce an amazing baby, but it might not feel like your own for a while, especially if you are breast-feeding or your body has changed shape. If this starts to affect your well-being, then this could be the prompt to reclaim your body and make sure you eat well and add more exercise to your routine.
If you walk past a store window and realize that the scruffy, grumpy woman pushing a stroller is you, then it’s definitely time to put yourself first in the priority stakes for a while.
Be open with your partner and make time to talk about how you both want the next few months and years to be. Life has changed for him, too, and it’s easy to lose focus as a couple. Your identity as a best friend, partner, and lover is why you both got together, and it’s important to keep sight of that.
No strong relationship is likely to suffer long-term damage from being put on the back burner for a while, but keep communicating about your own changing needs and what you need from each other. Talk to friends too, honestly. Everyone has good and bad days, and openness with other parents is crucial. By sharing your thoughts and concerns, you may find solutions and support, and realize that what you’re going through is a natural rite of passage.
If you want to try something new, go for it. No need to throw yourself in headfirst—start making steps for the future.
Having some “me-time” isn’t a luxury, it’s a necessity. It’s a clichéd phrase but it’s a cliché for a reason. When juggling child care, work, and family committments, people (women and men) forget to have fun and enjoy life. Make time for something that makes you feel like you again, whether you go for a run, read a daily paper, maintain your blog, or have a night out with work colleagues.
If you take care of yourself, everyone in your family will benefit, and they will be happy that you are happy too. Being a parent is at the center of your new identity, but it really only enhances what was already there waiting to come out. Working through this new stage of your life brings you to a clearer understanding of the evolving you and makes you the interesting, unique parent you are.
, but you don’t feel like the old “you” anymore. Now, how do you deal with that?){kind=link}