Everyone loves the thrill of a horror story, but if that’s what you remember and recount about the birth of your child, it’s useful to refocus the narrative so that you don’t end up retelling a negative story Constantly repeating a traumatic tale can leave a negative emotional imprint that studies suggest can have serious consequences for family relationships.
Just as planning the perfect birth can lead to a fall, planning to be a perfect mother—or even believing that she exists—can do the same. That woman who blooms through pregnancy, has a tear-free birth, a baby who feeds well and sleeps through the night from six weeks, and total confidence in her parenting ability is, thankfully, just a myth—but she will undermine you if you let her.
There are many different styles of parenting and different ones suit different people. But even once you have established the style that suits you, it won’t always be the best way to handle your child— sometimes it will work, sometimes you will have to rethink your approach.
The road is never smooth. That’s tough news when so many of us wait until later in life to have kids, once we have a good job, a great partner, a lovely home, and are used to getting what we want. Pregnancy and parenting don’t follow those rules.
Labor and birth can be unpredictable, so a birth plan should be flexible.
The least stressful approach is to let go of assumptions, expect everything to change all the time, and be open to rethinking your best-laid plans. You’ll have an easier ride if you accept that an ideal is impossible, it’s OK not to be the perfect parent, and fine if things don’t go as planned.
Honing your ability to welcome the unexpected gives an opportunity to gain in experience. Positivity, mingled with realism, helps, as does having an enormous amount of compassion for yourself, your partner, and your beautiful child.
