Is the eldest child always the most serious? The youngest the most gregarious? And is there really a “middle-child syndrome”?
When you look at your toddler, it’s hard to imagine the person she will become. Could she be the next president or an international CEO? A great writer or painter? A rock star or concert violinist? According to some psychologists, your child’s personality and who she will grow up to be may be influenced by the order in which she is born into your family.
Is it by chance that so many US presidents, British and Australian prime ministers, and other world leaders are firstborns, as are pioneering artists, such as Barbara Hepworth and Pablo Picasso? Or that revolutionary thinkers, such as Aung San Suu Kyi, René Descartes, and Nicholaus Copernicus, have been last-borns? Or that adept social animals, such as Madonna and David Letterman, are middle-born children?
The importance of birth order is a hotly debated topic by psychologists. According to theory, the typical firstborn personality is high-achieving, hard-working, reliable, responsible, and a good leader, if somewhat conventional and uptight. This may be why studies seem to show that firstborns are more likely to end up in leadership roles.
An eldest child is closest to the parents in many ways, and can also act as surrogate parents to younger children, which reinforces this role. By contrast a typical youngest child may be fun-loving, creative, adventurous, and rebellious. She may not have the eldest’s authority but she knows how to turn on the charm. Her special place as “baby” of the family may make her more outgoing and social than your eldest but also leads to the risk of her becoming spoiled and dependent as an adult.
Firstborn and last-born children are in a special position since they will both benefit from some one-on-one parenting time that can have a positive effect on their IQ. But does this mean that middle children lose out? Being in the middle can be positive: they seem to make up for the difference in family attention by making an extra effort outside the family, and they are often good team players and negotiators.
Parents spend an average 25 minutes more quality time each day with a firstborn child than a second child of the same age.
The term “middle-child syndrome” refers to middle children who feel neglected, have low self-esteem, and can be attentionseeking as they try to carve out their place in the family. Children may seek to carve out a different identity depending on their siblings. If your firstborn is an academic high-flyer, for example, your next child may find something else in which to excel.
And research shows that firstborns tend to be the brainiest sibling. A Norwegian study published in the journal Science showed that eldest sons tended to be 2.3 IQ points higher in score than those who were second born, and that this trend continues down the line. This may seem insignificant, but it could translate into the difference between getting into a top university or not.
A 2011 study by an American careers website found that firstborns and only children were more likely to bag a senior level position in a company, such as CEO, and more likely to earn a six-figure salary than later-born children. So, can you help your kids thrive whatever their birth order?
You may want to treat all your children in exactly the same way, but this is not always possible or appropriate given they will have different personalities and needs, and you may simply have less time. You can help your eldest relax a little by reassuring her that everything does not have to be perfect all the time and that she can learn from her mistakes, and by not piling on the responsibility. And don’t pamper your youngest; let her stand on her own two feet and nurture her toward independence.
It’s easy to underestimate what youngest-born children can do Conversely, other families find that they overestimate their child’s ability, comparing it with what big brother or sister could do at the same time. Try to resist this, and save any comparisons for when your youngest cannot hear. And for your middle child, give her that special one-on-one time and make an effort to take her to activities without her siblings so she develops her own interests.
Later-borns may be risk takers. A study of brothers playing baseball showed that younger brothers were ten times more likely to steal a base and were also three times more likely to succeed.
The person your child will become depends on a complex interplay between the genes she inherits and the culture and opportunities she is exposed to both inside and outside the home. Gender, age gap, and the family finances can all make birth order less important.
Gender may reduce the birth order factor in that children of different sexes may already feel different and feel less need to “compete.” Child spacing also has an effect. If you have a second child after five or six years, you effectively have another firstborn. Money is a factor since it can mean that siblings may not get the same opportunities.
Younger children may have more money spent on them, especially if they are the last one to leave the family nest. There is no magic recipe for giving your eldest, your middle, your youngest, or your only child the perfect start in life—as a parent you can only do your best to balance your different children’s needs, starting with giving them each plenty of your love, time, and attention.