What kind of person will your child turn out to be? Like you? Like your partner? Or a totally unique and new character?
The famous quote “Give me a child until he is seven and I will give you the man” implies that early childhood defines the person your toddler will become. Many parents say that their child’s personality was evident from day one: he wiggled in the uterus and is now just as active as a toddler, or that he had a sassy smile as a baby and continues to have a sassy sense of humor.
Is your child born with his personality set in stone, or does it have more to do with the way you raise him? If you think your child might inherit your grumpiness, or stubborn nature, can you, or indeed should you, do anything to influence how he “turns out”?
The age-old debate about nature vs nuture continues. Is your baby born with his personality or can you influence how he turns out ?
There has been a lot of research about whether a child’s character is predetermined by an inherited set of genes, or if environment and experience have more influence.
The World Health Organization cites research that says the care and stimulation a child receives in the first two years affects his brain development.
There is a growing consensus that no single factor is solely responsible for how we develop, but rather that both genes and upbringing shape personality. It’s easier said than done, but resist the urge to label your child as “shy,” “bubbly,” or any other personality cliché since very few children are always one way or the other.
The calmest child can have a lively day, and a gregarious child will also enjoy some quiet time. What might be considered an outgoing child in one family, may be considered reserved in another.
Feeling that your child is judged or labeled as a particular personality trait can ruffle the feathers of any parent.
If someone comments that your child is shy or a chatterbox, for example, rephrase this in a more positive way, with: “he is a real observer,” or “yes, he is very friendly.” Many parents express a desire for their children to be more confident than they were themselves as a child, or more studious, but can you influence how your child is?
Some experts believe that certain temperaments make it easier to encourage your child along a particular path. If your toddler is laid back and receptive to new situations, you may have an easy time nudging him in a certain direction, for example, to join a singing group or to try a new sport.
However, if your child is reserved in new situations, pushing him in a new direction may increase his wariness more. Is there an age when character traits become fixed? It’s possible that the early years provide an important window of opportunity for your child.
One 2010 study reported in Life Science suggests that a child’s character is set by the age of six. It followed 2,400 children from the 1960s and compared teacher “personality” reports with character traits 40 years later and found that these same traits influenced their behavior as adults.
Other studies show more variety, and suggest that personalities do evolve over time, shaped by life events and external influences. Research published in 2010 reinforces the theory of the interaction between genes and environment, noting how effective parents take a child’s nature into account when making day-to-day decisions.
You can help an overly boisterous child recognize boundaries, and a socially awkward child find ways to play with others.
Nathan Fox, a human development professor at the University of Maryland, believes that while your child’s temperament can dictate how social situations play out, paying attention to “temperament” cues avoids distress and can build your child’s confidence.
Being sensitive to your child’s particular traits can help you predict what will or won’t work for him and can help a reserved child to flourish. Fox warns against being overly protective and suggests that gradually exposing a child to new social scenarios with you at his side can help him overcome fears and become more socially confident. You can also help your child to develop conversational strategies, for example try teaching him to say, “Can I play that game with you?”
Your child could have a gene for being artistic, but you need to provide the paper and paint and take him to art museums.
The latest research says that certain genes may be turned “on” or “off” by a particular environment. A stressful, chaotic home may activate a gene for shyness, while that same gene remains dormant in a calm home.
It follows that while your baby’s genes may favor him having certain traits, for example, being friendly or creative, he needs to be in a stimulating environment for these traits to flourish.
Social and emotional support are important, but practical care and nutrition have a bearing too. Tired, hungry children will be irritable, no matter what their natural temperament is and a nutritious, varied diet will help keep your child calm.
A safe, comfortable home will help your child feel secure and foster his confidence that the world is a good place to explore. There’s little doubt that your child’s early years are formative for his emerging personality, and your role is key. And it will be lots of fun to see how he turns out.