Your relationship is the reason your baby ever arrived and is the foundation of your family, so be sure to nurture it, too.
Now that baby makes three months, your relationship has had a major shift in dynamics while you both adjust to parenthood. Spontaneous nights out and lazy lie-ins may be on hold for a while, but many people find that becoming parents brings them closer than ever before.
While your new baby will take up lots of your time and brain power, it’s important to focus on yourselves as a couple, too, as your relationship is the key to your happy family life. In the early weeks and months, your conversations need to feature your baby pretty heavily, and that can be very enjoyable and absorbing but can mean that other issues or just having fun get put aside.
Six months or so down the line after having your baby the early-days haze starts to clear, you look at your partner for the first time in what feels like ages and realize that the most meaningful conversation you’ve had for months is about who is the most tired.
Your lives have evolved and you both have different needs and priorities. Even when it’s positive, change involves some level of stress and a period of adjustment as you both get used to your new roles. If you add fatigue, hormones, and less time into the equation, it’s no surprise that many relationships have bumps at this time.
Research shows a high number of couples separate in the first year after having a baby, so you need to put in some effort to make sure this doesn’t happen to you. You may see yourself in a new way and new aspects of your personality may come out that will have an impact on how you both get along.
Some new fathers express that although they love being a parent, they feel sidelined in the early months, especially if they return to work full time. A distance can grow between couples since whoever is at home meets new people, has different topics of conversation, and there is less time to share the interests you both had. Some mothers feel isolated at home, and become frustrated with the domestic treadmill and grow envious as their partner heads off to work; and the partner going to work may well envy the stay-at-home life.
Happy parents make for a happy family. It’s important for parents to view themselves as a couple first and as parents second.
You might think that the person going out to work hasn’t had to change their life as dramatically, and therefore doesn’t really understand. So how do you handle these potential relationship problems?
Communication is crucial, even when you feel you don’t have the time. You may feel that you can’t complain given that you wanted this new baby, but it is important to share your feelings. Keep talking and be honest with each other. As soon as baby is settled, make time to sit down together and talk before you rush around to tidy up, cook dinner, or go out. Don’t assume your partner is a mind reader: you must tell him or her how you are feeling.
Having a baby is a natural point for a relationship review. Plan a night together and talk through new ground rules that work for you both. For instance, it doesn’t mean the person at home with the baby is solely responsible for all shopping and cooking, unless that’s what’s agreed.
Share the load to prevent resentment or misunderstanding from seeping in. Don’t get into set patterns : just because your baby is used to you putting him to bed, your partner should take a turn too. This helps to keep your relationship equal.
Becoming parents can bring you closer, and deepen your bond and commitment to each other. Talk about your hopes for your family life and plan exciting times including vacations, days out, and remember the ideas, ambitions, and dreams you had before baby came along.
Communication and intimacy are essential to strengthen your bond and to help you deal with any problems that occur. The real threat to a relationship isn’t a temporary lack of sex, but a lack of intimacy. Strive to preserve this at all costs. Hold hands, cuddle, and give each other compliments. Ask questions about each other’s day, and stop what you are doing to really listen.
This all helps to safeguard your emotional connection and foster intimacy. Simple, kind gestures, such as running a bath or recording a favorite program for your partner, can make him or her feel nurtured. Sex is important too, to reinforce your bond as a couple. If you are feeling too tired or have a flagging libido, it can be the last thing you want to do, but the less sex you have, the less you want, so when you feel ready, make the effort. Switch off the television and share a bath or give each other a massage. Remember that the early baby years go very quickly and relationship difficulties are usually just a phase, so be forgiving of this.
Set aside at least ten minutes every day to sit down together (no television) and catch up with each other’s news.
Make time for the two of you as a couple by finding a babysitter and going out regularly, at least once a month, and more often if you are used to having a busy social life. If you don’t have family nearby or can’t afford a babysitter, arrange a babysitting swap with a friend or neighbor. Or when your baby falls asleep, share a romantic late-night meal.
If you are tired or are on a tight budget, arrange an evening together at home with a DVD and bottle of wine. It doesn’t really matter what you do as long as you do it together and remind each other why you were attracted to each other to begin with.